Antifa, Inc. was founded by Mod Will in 1981. Since then, he has led the company as its CEO. He is often portrayed in the media as a beguiling, ruthless and bizarre leader whose unique and pragmatic management style brought Antifa from his garage in Silicon Valley to one of the largest publicly traded corporations in the United States.
Humble beginnings (1981-1994)
It was July in 1981, one of the hottest summers on record. After weeks of planning, Mod Will opened his offices in his mother's garage in Sunnyvale, California. The garage - which had no air conditioning - was infested with cockroaches, rats, snakes, and thieves. The heat was maddening. Mod Will soon began to lose his mind, and was often prone to fits of rage. His early employees described him as "explosive" and "unhinged." But soon enough, all would change for the little company. After two fruitless years of local fash-bashing, Antifa received its first big contract. The Cupertino Planned Parenthood had hundreds of excess fetuses from AbortionCon 1983, and needed them disposed of. Mod Will came up with a brilliant idea that would launch the company into decades of success: Big Daddy Will's Annual Fetus Cook-off. The Cook-off challenged local chefs to cook the finest BBQ braised fetus, and be graded by a panel of judges. Despite intermittent rain, dozens of local businesses sponsored the event and nearly 100 chefs competed. It attracted nationwide press attention. After reading about the event in the papers, and hearing of the skyrocketing price of shares, George Soros purchased 20 percent ownership in Antifa for $2 million dollars, catapulting the company into a bright future. The influx of capital from the event and Soros' purchase allowed Antifa to finally move into air-conditioned offices and expand rapidly. Big Daddy Will's Annual Fetus Cook-off continues as an annual tradition to this day, and is attended by thousands each year.
A movement betrayed (1994)
By 1994, Antifa was a household name. Many were familiar with its earworm jingle: "Who's got that hot new spirit, who got the funds, let's hear it! Antifa: making everyone gay! Antifa: for a brighter future, today!" Tragically, a conspiracy was abrew. George Soros, once a beloved patron of the company, held a press conference without consulting with the Board or CEO Mod Will. He announced that Antifa would be undergoing major restructuring, and that he would be consulting the Board for a leadership position within the company. The value of his stock had risen dramatically – over 400 percent – but he was not satisfied. He wanted total ownership. This was a hostile takeover. Immediately, Mod Will seized control of the Board. Several pro-Soros Board members were beheaded in a display of raw, masculine power. The other pro-Soros members were bribed or blackmailed into supporting him. Thankfully, the coup d’etat was stopped, and Soros was banished from the realms of the Antifa crown.
New technology (1994-2000)
Without Soros’s guidance, and with the disloyalty of the Board apparent, the company was under more duress than ever. Stocks dipped, and several of the sniveling troglodytes on the Board threatened to sell their shares. But CEO President Mod Will would not be so easily stopped. Working late into the night with the newly hired Chief Technology Officer Jon [REDACTED], they developed an Artificial Intelligence system that would change the company forever: S.O.R.O.S., or Satanist Observation and Reporting Oracle System. George Soros’s primitive organic body was kidnapped from his French summer home, and he was tortured vigorously by Antifa Supersoldiers. S.O.R.O.S. was able to monitor his screams of pain and learn about his personality traits through advanced AI deep learning techniques which would not be available to the public for more than 20 years thereafter. S.O.R.O.S. would also be linked to flesh-Soros’s brain in order to absorb his knowledge. Obtaining an almost godlike level of enlightenment, S.O.R.O.S. came up with several innovative sales techniques that would propel the company into unprecedented success. AntifaInc.org, the company’s “non-profit” website rode the .com boom to the top, and still remains as it was back then.
Troubling times (2000-2008)
Eventually, however, the .com bubble burst. Stocks gradually declined, and in 2005 CEO President Daddy Mod Will found himself before the Board once more. “How will we stop this decline?” he said, in his characteristically frank tone. His deep, strong voice resonated through the room, giving instant orgasms to all members. “S.O.R.O.S., present the plan.” A presentation began, using the latest cutting-edge PowerPoint technologies. A video played. Several young actors, starring in some sort of quirky sitcom, played out a pilot episode. “SHELDONNNNN!” screamed the obnoxious blonde one with large breasts. “You can’t kill a man for sitting in your special seat.” “I didn’t kill him,” the one called Sheldon said, blood dripping from his mouth. “I merely terminated his heartbeat and brain functions by exsanguinating him and consuming his hemoglobin to power my body.” A deafening laugh track drowned out the blonde one’s screams. The Big Bang Theory was born. It was a smash hit, and Antifa’s subsidiary CBS made enough money to keep the company afloat.
A new era (2009-2016)
Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s election was Antifa, Inc’s most shining moment. An unapologetic Nazi (antifa are the real fascists) Communist Liberal Marxist Atheist Muslim who was unquestionably born in Kenya, no doubt about it, Obama was personally appointed (the election was rigged, when Democrats win it’s because democracy is broken but when Republicans win America is the best country on earth) by CEO President Daddy Master Mod Will. One night, dining over a plate of fresh spring fetuses, Obama and Mod Will reminisced. “Remember when we fought for the Khmer Rouge?” Will said. “Haha, of course Comrade,” said Obama, in a thick Russian accent, because he was a Communist. “Good times,” said Will. “I hope this night lasts forever,” Obama said, squeezing Will’s hand, because he was also gay and promoted the gay agenda and he’s trying to force it on our kids. “Me too,” said Will. “But it can’t. I just got the poll projections.” “How is Comrade Hilary Clinton doing? Has our brainwashing reached the Blue Wall?” “No,” said Will. “Drumpf is going to win. It’s inevitable. We can’t let the people know, there will be a revolution. We need to secure the deep state so our evil spirit cooking rituals are not discovered and we can remain in control.” “Alright,” said Obama in his gay Muslim Communist accent. “Long live the Eternal Science of Dialectical Materialism.” Stocks were once again at recordbreaking levels. But that was all about to change.
The present crisis (2016-today)
Antifa, Inc. is under attack from all sides. The Drumpf Administration is hell-bent on protecting true patriots from our evil agenda. We must stop them by any means necessary, especially if that means attacking innocent Christian small business owners in Cleveland, Ohio. But we will remain more powerful than them. Under the leadership of Supreme Leader Sir CEO President Daddy Master Mod Will, anything is possible. Workers of the world unite, you have nothing to lose but your chains!